Managing the Emotional Stress of Downsizing a Life in Transition

Stress Less

Life Stages

Life Skills

Resources

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Managing the Emotional Stress of Downsizing a Life in Transition

Many people would rather stay in their beloved homes forever rather than manage the emotional stress of downsizing and all of the tiresome work that accompanies moving into a smaller abode. The reasons for downsizing your home are many, including financial, health issues, empty nest syndrome, or moving to be nearer family members. The experience of downsizing a family home can be overwhelming. For example, tackling the process of dispersing unneeded personal possessions during downsizing can be a major source of emotional stress. The best suggestion for managing the emotional stress of downsizing is recognizing what is causing your stress and developing an action plan for handling the downsizing process with minimal added emotional trauma.

Causes of the Emotional Stress:

• Memories—breaking the emotional attachments to your possessions. This is a big hurdle and causes a lot of stress thinking about getting rid of the possessions that represent your achievements and past experiences. The question, “How can I make myself get rid of the treasurers I’ve collected over the years?” becomes difficult for some to answer and can be guilt inducing as well.
• Difficulty relinquishing the family home—is it the beginning of the end? Ending this phase of your life may make you feel less vibrant, rather than considering that with less stuff, you have a chance for greater flexibility with less financial and home maintenance responsibilities.
• Afraid of making a wrong decision. There is emotional stress considering that you may eliminate something that you later want. But there are strategies to maintain the memories without the bulk of stuff as you start a new lifestyle.
• Change is scary. People are often afraid of the unknown. If possible take the process slowly, and give yourself plenty of time to review and reflect on sorting and retaining the relevant items. Clearly planning, as best you can what the future will look like, helps diminish the emotional stress.
• Your kids don’t want your stuff (you still have theirs in the basement). All along you have thought that the family members would gladly take those heirlooms, yet, to your dismay, you find no one wants them. Lifestyles are different and the items don’t fit. Got a baby grand piano? You might do better selling it.

Develop an Action Plan for Downsizing the Contents of Your Home.

The key is to give yourself plenty of time for the process of sorting through your possessions. The Mantra of “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” is a great starting perspective for the process.

1. Identify your goal for downsizing. For instance, is your goal simply to make your home clutter-free; is it to prepare to move to a smaller home at some point in the future; is it to do more traveling and have less maintenance at home; or might it be to prepare for an imminent move? Identify exactly why you are downsizing, and revisit this goal often as you continue through the process. View this process as a positive time when you are creating a new chapter in your life and it is a time to re-invent your lifestyle and your surroundings. You might even give this new phase of life a theme.

Buy Vickie Dellaquila's book,Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash-A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move. This fellow Pittsburgher has years of experience helping seniors learn to relocate, sort and shed their possessions, as she offers a compassionate perspective on downsizing. This reference is a must read for anyone involved in the transition of downsizing.

2. Organize relevant and contributing pieces. Again, you are downsizing so ask yourself, “When was the last time I used/wore or read this thing, and what’s the likelihood that I will at some point in the future?” Objects can weigh you down and clutter your focus as you try to establish a streamlined life, moving forward. Maintaining unused possessions may keep you connected to your past, but they also prevent you from making healthy changes transitioning into a new phase of your life. Sort items into three categories, sell, donate, retain. If no family member wants an item that you are not retaining for yourself, consider selling it or donating it. Ask yourself, “Is there someone else who could be putting this to good use?” Here’s where we begin to build that pile for charity.

3. Why am I attached to this item? Perhaps it is something given to you by a special person or a remembrance of a special occasion. If so, consider giving the item to a special person in your life and watching the joy it brings them. Think about creating an album that includes the memories you have of receiving it. The photo strategy works particularly well for collectibles that we decide to part with in our quest to simplify.

4. Can I make money from this? If you have possessions that you would like to sell, have their value assessed and decide if you want to have them sold, rather than donated. Selling takes time, so allow for that, depending on your time frame. If you are eliminating clutter and not in any hurry, selling items can be a great choice. But, stuff is worth only what someone else is willing to pay you for it, and the people who get rich from Internet auction sites are few and far between. Garage and yard sales are another venue, but don’t expect to get rich.

5. What is the worst that will happen if I get rid of this? Many of our delayed decisions come from fear—fear of what could happen “if” you needed it or someone else in the family wanted the item. Take the time to check with everyone first. If you have memorabilia from your kids’ lives, set a firm deadline by which the stuff must be picked up. If it isn’t, trash it! If it’s not worth space in their homes, it’s not worth space in yours. The bigger issue is getting yourself to overcome the emotional ties you have to your stuff.

Downsizing can be an emotionally draining process, and it’s physically challenging as well, especially the older we get, but there are resources available to give you guidance throughout and to lend you support. Although the process is challenging, (which is why it is important to give yourself time to leisurely review all of those papers, books and photos, for example) the outcome can provide a feeling of freedom. You are then ready to take advantage of new opportunities. Few people say they wish they had hung on to more stuff. The goal is to keep items that reflect who you are now, not who you were then. By downsizing, you minimize your emotional stress by having fewer responsibilities, a smaller workload, an increased cash flow, and greater flexibility with less to overwhelm.

Remember: “Take”—“Sell”—“Give Away.”